Needing them

I couldn't have my fiance. I completely accepted that, endured it. I can't have enough of my husband? How am I to endure that? Can't do.

I wanna show him my love. Have his given to me. It makes me wanna cry. I can't hold it in!

Maybe its all this hormonal changes?

It's even more frustrating to see that he doesn't seem the least bit bothered by it.

Hmph.

Home

Wanna go home.

But there is also love

Days pass. Things happen, but days continue to pass. Some are blurred, some are vivid.

There's a lot to say. The one on top of my mind right now is this: I am pregnant.

Alhamdulillah.

As for the other things; like I said. Marriage is marriage. Life is life. Neither is easy. I can say my life as my mother's and father's daughter was easier. Easy, responsibility-free life. I miss my home. I miss every nook and corner of it. I miss the freedom I had there. I miss my family. But things have changed now, and I have to accept Allah's decree. I am a wife, housewife, mother-to-be; insha Allah. When everything is perfect, there is no meaning to life. So I embrace this little hardship. Because I know ease will come. Insha Allah. Because I put my trust in Allah.

Maybe, hardship and ease will keep coming untill eternal ease-Paradise is here. Insha Allah. And I live happily, hoping for the final reward, hoping for Allah's reward, for Allah's mercy on me.

So everytime I'm hurt. I am rewarded. Everytime I be patient; I am rewarded. Insha Allah. Allah hears me. He hears every thought that runs through my head. Allah knows what's in my heart. And who can make things easy better than Allah? Who can solve problems better than Allah? No one. And so I turn to Him.

But it's not all hardships and no happiness; there is love, there is happiness. There is peace and tranquility.

As for the tiny pain, insha Allah, it will go away. I will strive for it. Insha Allah.

I put my trust in you, Allah.

Patience pays off

Patience pays off. I craved for understanding and I got exactly that. Alhamdulillah. May it be so always. Insha Allah.

And I wept out of my love for Allah, out of his compassion for me.

Allahu Akbar.

Understanding

Again, I crave for a little bit of understanding.

Patience

I wondered yesterday if I'll be rewarded by Allah if I kept silent about my needs and wants, if I didn't demand them. And I thought, I would, insha Allah. Because it is being patient. And patience will be rewarded by Allah. Patience is an invaluable virtue. And it's a comforting thought.

Some little things when done would mean a lot to me. Some little things can hurt a lot. The little things that we do.

I know I'm not making much sense. I just wanna take it all out, all my random thoughts. Frustration.

Not to mention how incredibly bored I am.

Dream come true

Made a lot of friends here, Alhamdulillah. And I remembered, when I looked at my lil cousin brothers' class photo, I felt such awe to see so many students of different nationalities and races together in one class. It was simply amazing to me. Cause all my life, I have studied in India and you know my classmates are all the same, black hair, black iris, pretty much the same complexion. Indians. And the friends I made here, plus the girls at yesterdays party were were all from different countries. And they were all so different, the way they dressed, the way they wore their hijab, the way they talked, their hair, skin, eyes. Subhana Allah, beautiful. And I came home and thought, this is like a dream come true. I always wanted to be somewhere like that. With people of different races, it's been a dream to make friends with people like that. And Alhamdulillah, here I am fulfilling that dream.

A break from the usual tear stories huh? Sorry I've been so gloomy lately.

Well this is my blog, and I write what I feel like. I write cause it feels like I'm emptying my mind and that's good for me.