Oh great, my brother tells them that I am not the least bit tensed. If only he knew!
But who cares about that when they asked of me! Oh to hear them say my name. And their laugh. Sweee-eet.
Was out at a Restaurant for dinner tonight, with everyone. And I have this problem, my skin heats up soon, and freezes soon too. So the air conditioner there I think was a little too cool and my hands were numb from it. So Umma was rubbing my hands and heating them for me. And I got thinking, after I'm married, insha Allah and I am out with my husband and his family who would be concerned about my numb hands? Who would rub them for me? I wouldn't even dare to say it or make it obvious in the first place. And then I thought about mom, how much I'll miss her and her, me. And I wept.
So I proved my brother's words wrong. I am tensed. I just am too busy to make it obvious.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Never again
Never in my life am I EVER waxing again. NEVER. Oh my GOD it hurt like mad!!!!! I tried so many thoughts to distract me from the pain, 'for my husband' 'to please my husband' 'for Allah' 'SubhanaAllah'. None could keep the pain away. I almost cried like a baby. I tried thinking, if I can't bear this, how am I gonna give birth to babies Insha Allah? I tried thinking, even the prick of a thorn will not go as waste if borne with patience. Even the prick of a thorn. Still couldn't distract me.
Feels like a gaping hole was punched right through the centre of my Hayaa.
The things I do for them. Insha Allah, I just hope it will all pay off, I know that Allah knows my only intention.
Feels like a gaping hole was punched right through the centre of my Hayaa.
The things I do for them. Insha Allah, I just hope it will all pay off, I know that Allah knows my only intention.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Regrets
Do you know one of the craziest love things I do? Some nights before I sleep, I go to my album in my blackberry and I view one of their pictures and I keep like that so that when I wake up and check my phone for time or messages (which is what I do when I wake) I can wake to their smiling face, them smiling at me. It really gives me a nice feeling because by morning I will have forgotten all about it and I press some buttons on my phone expecting new mail or something but it's their picture that I see. Makes me smile. Crazy, I know.
You know that feeling you get when you have reached the end of school year and you feel like so many things have been left undone and you regret it all. I have that feeling. That feeling that I have left so many things undone for my parents. Thanks to Allah, I have always been able to be a good daughter to them, may Allah always make me so, Ameen, but I could have been better. I should have. So many of my Mom's dreams and wishes are not fulfilled because of me. Because of my lack of interest, my insincerity. May Mom forgive me. And all those times I could have spend with them, making them happy. All those little favours that I could have done, like the tea I made this morning. All those times I sat amongst them with my hands glued to my phone, how infuriating must that have been?
Regrets. Regrets and more regrets.
Do you know how amazing it is when Mom and Dad playfully argues over me? Saying "she's my daughter" "No, she's my daughter". It's the best feeling. Happened even this morning. Alhamdulillah.
May Allah Subhanata'la help me the best daughter to my parents. May Allah help me fulfill their wishes. Ameen.
You know that feeling you get when you have reached the end of school year and you feel like so many things have been left undone and you regret it all. I have that feeling. That feeling that I have left so many things undone for my parents. Thanks to Allah, I have always been able to be a good daughter to them, may Allah always make me so, Ameen, but I could have been better. I should have. So many of my Mom's dreams and wishes are not fulfilled because of me. Because of my lack of interest, my insincerity. May Mom forgive me. And all those times I could have spend with them, making them happy. All those little favours that I could have done, like the tea I made this morning. All those times I sat amongst them with my hands glued to my phone, how infuriating must that have been?
Regrets. Regrets and more regrets.
Do you know how amazing it is when Mom and Dad playfully argues over me? Saying "she's my daughter" "No, she's my daughter". It's the best feeling. Happened even this morning. Alhamdulillah.
May Allah Subhanata'la help me the best daughter to my parents. May Allah help me fulfill their wishes. Ameen.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Beautiful day
Prayed Fajr. Recited Quran. Napped. Breakfast. Shower and then Al-kahf. Alhamdulillah it's been productive so far, beautiful day. I had to go to my school today to invite my teachers and some juniors for the wedding so I thought I'll skip Al-Kahf this Friday because i thought I wouldnt have time but then i thought, this is the week that I'll need the blessing from reading Al-kahf the most, that light that will be with me from this Friday till next because Insha Allah I'm getting married this Thursday. Wow. That's just 5 days away. Do you believe it? 5 days! 5 days. Ya Allah. 5*24=120. 120 hours, approximately, add some more.
So I went to school and I am so glad I did. Alhamdulillah. My teachers were all so pleased. I was SO happy that my high school biology teacher remembered my name! I was great at biology but I was never that much of an active student in her class that it came as a surprise. And my high school English teacher, she was like so stunned! She said in her mind she can only think of me as her 14 year old student, she couldn't believe I was getting married. Same goes for a bunch of other teachers. Most of them said they'll come for sure, insha Allah and that made me even more happy.
And my juniors. They were staring at me like anything! Must have something to do with the fact that I was wearing shocking pink with purple, and amongst too many navy blues that's not hard to miss. And some of them were so happy to see me, and I invited them too. One of them said I have become a 'Gundu' which means FAT. Tut. What a nice thing to say to someone about to get married. Yeah, I really needed to hear that. But honestly, couldn't care less.
Anyway beautiful day. Alhamdulillah.
Miss them though. I almost gave them a ring this morning. It might have even been connected. Guess they are too busy with their arab friends and wedding things. Where can the fiancé fit in? LOL. I better be somewhere in a corner of their head.
So I went to school and I am so glad I did. Alhamdulillah. My teachers were all so pleased. I was SO happy that my high school biology teacher remembered my name! I was great at biology but I was never that much of an active student in her class that it came as a surprise. And my high school English teacher, she was like so stunned! She said in her mind she can only think of me as her 14 year old student, she couldn't believe I was getting married. Same goes for a bunch of other teachers. Most of them said they'll come for sure, insha Allah and that made me even more happy.
And my juniors. They were staring at me like anything! Must have something to do with the fact that I was wearing shocking pink with purple, and amongst too many navy blues that's not hard to miss. And some of them were so happy to see me, and I invited them too. One of them said I have become a 'Gundu' which means FAT. Tut. What a nice thing to say to someone about to get married. Yeah, I really needed to hear that. But honestly, couldn't care less.
Anyway beautiful day. Alhamdulillah.
Miss them though. I almost gave them a ring this morning. It might have even been connected. Guess they are too busy with their arab friends and wedding things. Where can the fiancé fit in? LOL. I better be somewhere in a corner of their head.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Jealous and don't wanna be
Miss them so bad, that I'm hurting, it's making me sad, making me wanna cry and they don't even know it. Worse, they seem to think I do not miss them.
My brother and his fiancé aren't helping. But I don't wanna be jealous and cause to keep them from having their fun. But what can I do? I am a woman, and I have my issues; jealousy being one of the top 10. But I shouldn't be, cause I don't wanna come between them even if it might be for good, I know how much I had wanted it, I know how it feels, been there, done that...
I have to hear their voice. O mother call them already! Please.
My brother and his fiancé aren't helping. But I don't wanna be jealous and cause to keep them from having their fun. But what can I do? I am a woman, and I have my issues; jealousy being one of the top 10. But I shouldn't be, cause I don't wanna come between them even if it might be for good, I know how much I had wanted it, I know how it feels, been there, done that...
I have to hear their voice. O mother call them already! Please.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
A week
Just 7 days now. Insha Allah. A week.
I feel like I am not spending enough time with my family. My time is just running, slipping away through my fingers while I desperately try to hold it in my palms. I am missing my mom already. We are both so busy with wedding preparation that I hardly get to spend any time with her.
Where is productivity? I need to chuck this idleness that holds me prisoner! O Allah, help me use my time wisely! Ameen. I have to wake up early, I have to sleep. I must sleep this moment.
The other day, my friends caught me laughing a little too late to some joke and they were teasing me about day dreaming. So sometimes I do daydream. But that's not all I do. Marriage is not that simple. It is not like my friends seem to think, you get your spouse, someone to love. Its not that alone. Marriage is big. It is a huge responsibility. It is half the Deen, that alone determines how important marriage is. So often when I'm lost in my own thoughts, I'm not just fantasizing about my life with my husband. I think of so many other things. I think of how I'll be a good wife, living by the commandments of Allah. I worry if I'll rise to my husband's expectations. I think of missing my mom, my dad, family and home. I think of pleasing my in-laws. I imagine how I'll behave to the new people in the new place, new atmosphere. I make mental notes of To-do's and Don't' Do's. Smile. Be kind. Talk properly and clearly. Mention the name of Allah a lot. Don't cry. Don't get angry. Don't be tense. Put your trust in Allah. Allah loves those who put their trust in him. Marriage isn't an end to all fun either, as most people think. If the Prophet SAW said that the best Provision of this world is a righteous wife, then you can imagine how fulfilling it is to have a virtous wife and same goes for a virtous man. I felt like telling all this to them when they teased me, but of course I didn't.
Miss you SO bad these days. I almost wept thinking about you. And I can't even tell you how much I miss you.
I feel like I am not spending enough time with my family. My time is just running, slipping away through my fingers while I desperately try to hold it in my palms. I am missing my mom already. We are both so busy with wedding preparation that I hardly get to spend any time with her.
Where is productivity? I need to chuck this idleness that holds me prisoner! O Allah, help me use my time wisely! Ameen. I have to wake up early, I have to sleep. I must sleep this moment.
The other day, my friends caught me laughing a little too late to some joke and they were teasing me about day dreaming. So sometimes I do daydream. But that's not all I do. Marriage is not that simple. It is not like my friends seem to think, you get your spouse, someone to love. Its not that alone. Marriage is big. It is a huge responsibility. It is half the Deen, that alone determines how important marriage is. So often when I'm lost in my own thoughts, I'm not just fantasizing about my life with my husband. I think of so many other things. I think of how I'll be a good wife, living by the commandments of Allah. I worry if I'll rise to my husband's expectations. I think of missing my mom, my dad, family and home. I think of pleasing my in-laws. I imagine how I'll behave to the new people in the new place, new atmosphere. I make mental notes of To-do's and Don't' Do's. Smile. Be kind. Talk properly and clearly. Mention the name of Allah a lot. Don't cry. Don't get angry. Don't be tense. Put your trust in Allah. Allah loves those who put their trust in him. Marriage isn't an end to all fun either, as most people think. If the Prophet SAW said that the best Provision of this world is a righteous wife, then you can imagine how fulfilling it is to have a virtous wife and same goes for a virtous man. I felt like telling all this to them when they teased me, but of course I didn't.
Miss you SO bad these days. I almost wept thinking about you. And I can't even tell you how much I miss you.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Halal magic
So the other day, at that friends' pre-nikah dinner, two friends were looking through the pictures on my phone and they saw some of my doodle art pictures that I did in class, and all of them were...you know...hearts and their name and those 3 words and my friend was like "oh I had the fortune of seeing you say 'I love you' to someone!!". LOL.
So they think I can't love? They think I can't flirt? That's exactly what they think. How far they are from truth. They would flip if they knew what I'm capable of. I was always a true romantic at heart.
"You're the hardest girl not to marry". "You're the only girl I can't say No to."
That's me.
I can be bad. I am just waiting to be halal bad, to work my halal magic; as Mohammed Al-shareef said a scholar called it, on my man, the man Allah has decreed for me. Slave of the All-knowing. Insha Allah.
Halal magic, that truly is an awesome term for us women. Everyone of us can do it, this halal magic because Allah has given it to us, He has created us that way. We can influence men, it is like magic. When we use that gift on our husbands, it becomes halal magic.
Guess what? Once again, it has been proved that I'm not like other girls.
May Allah reward us both for all our Sabr and forgive our sins and grant us success in our marriage. Ameen.
So they think I can't love? They think I can't flirt? That's exactly what they think. How far they are from truth. They would flip if they knew what I'm capable of. I was always a true romantic at heart.
"You're the hardest girl not to marry". "You're the only girl I can't say No to."
That's me.
I can be bad. I am just waiting to be halal bad, to work my halal magic; as Mohammed Al-shareef said a scholar called it, on my man, the man Allah has decreed for me. Slave of the All-knowing. Insha Allah.
Halal magic, that truly is an awesome term for us women. Everyone of us can do it, this halal magic because Allah has given it to us, He has created us that way. We can influence men, it is like magic. When we use that gift on our husbands, it becomes halal magic.
Guess what? Once again, it has been proved that I'm not like other girls.
May Allah reward us both for all our Sabr and forgive our sins and grant us success in our marriage. Ameen.
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