A week

Just 7 days now. Insha Allah. A week.

I feel like I am not spending enough time with my family. My time is just running, slipping away through my fingers while I desperately try to hold it in my palms. I am missing my mom already. We are both so busy with wedding preparation that I hardly get to spend any time with her.

Where is productivity? I need to chuck this idleness that holds me prisoner! O Allah, help me use my time wisely! Ameen. I have to wake up early, I have to sleep. I must sleep this moment.

The other day, my friends caught me laughing a little too late to some joke and they were teasing me about day dreaming. So sometimes I do daydream. But that's not all I do. Marriage is not that simple. It is not like my friends seem to think, you get your spouse, someone to love. Its not that alone. Marriage is big. It is a huge responsibility. It is half the Deen, that alone determines how important marriage is. So often when I'm lost in my own thoughts, I'm not just fantasizing about my life with my husband. I think of so many other things. I think of how I'll be a good wife, living by the commandments of Allah. I worry if I'll rise to my husband's expectations. I think of missing my mom, my dad, family and home. I think of pleasing my in-laws. I imagine how I'll behave to the new people in the new place, new atmosphere. I make mental notes of To-do's and Don't' Do's. Smile. Be kind. Talk properly and clearly. Mention the name of Allah a lot. Don't cry. Don't get angry. Don't be tense. Put your trust in Allah. Allah loves those who put their trust in him. Marriage isn't an end to all fun either, as most people think. If the Prophet SAW said that the best Provision of this world is a righteous wife, then you can imagine how fulfilling it is to have a virtous wife and same goes for a virtous man. I felt like telling all this to them when they teased me, but of course I didn't.

Miss you SO bad these days. I almost wept thinking about you. And I can't even tell you how much I miss you.