Missing

I missed you more today mom. Wept several times. I wish I could tell you how much I miss you, how much I'm hurting just so you know that I'm thinking about you and missing you just as badly as you miss me.

Can't even bare to look at cute baby stuff. Everytime I see them our little girl's name is on my lips, and her innocent smiling face fills my head. She smiles at me for no reason, almost as if she just wanted to make me happy. I miss you so bad sweetsie.

There's so much to miss these days. My mom. My dad. My brothers. My sister-in-law. My baby niece. My Husband. I hope having him by my side will make things different, insha Allah. His love should heal me. Insha Allah. I miss my home. I miss everything about it. My awesome morning coffee. The fridge. The rugs. Everything.

I miss being me. I'm not me anymore; or so it feels. I seem to have left the real me back home. This me is different. She barely talks. She hasn't had a hearty laugh in what feels like ages.

I need to laugh. I need to sing. I need to speak up. I need to be me. This mask is suffocating me.

And here I go with endless gloominess again. Asthafirullah.

Perhaps I'll be able to post cheery stuff in the upcoming posts. Insha Allah.