Confused

What am I doing? Where is all the so often boasted of patience? What have I done?

Regret. Guilt. Relief. Sadness. Hapiness. Confused.

One thing stands out, stands firm - my love for them, so much more now.

I wonder how things are gonna be. I wonder what they're thinking, they're probably asleep, I hope I show up in their dreams. I wish I was with them.

I need them so much. Prolonged perpetual ache I used to call it.

I ignored the little dot against their name once, twice, the third time, it got the better of me. This one's on me. I owe them.

We seem to be on a something like a competition. Who is more patient? Defenitely not me.

I'm falling back now. Excercising patience is no trouble when you have a brother who is constantly nagging and provoking you. But this is a different kind of patience. Words I can ignore, turn a blind eye to. Silence is not just as easy. Reminds me of a song I used to hear, "Silence so loud..." it went.