It's the need again

If I could beg for their company, I would. If I could cry out their name and beg to them, and if that woudlnt be a very wrong thing to do, I would be doing that now, I would be doing that everyday; because I crave it that much, because I need them that much.

It's the need again. But Alhamdulillah, the difference is prominent, I'm whole, not broken or shattered, perhaps a little empty without their love.

I do say their name, in my head. But this time, I don't wait hoping they would hear. There is no waiting at all. No anticipation of red flash or vibration or any sound indicating a new message from them.

Maybe this little decision we made together, even though it eas more of their decision than mine, or maybe it was completely their decision, but still I feel they gave me some part in it. So, could this be putting an emphasis in the significance of the principle of Shura? It certainly makes a lot of difference from the two times the decision was taken all by themselves. Or maybe it is different because this was an oath to Allah, and hence so much more important and firm or still maybe I find this easy because it's just 32 days from today. Insha Allah. Makes me think that they are a bit clever, that they thought of taking the firmest decision only when there was just 32 days of this to get through.

I love them. But sometimes that unfair irrational anger resurfaces, and I desperately try to reason with them in my head, arguing. None of that would happen in reality though. Insha Allah..