Catching Up

Ah. I haven't blogged for even longer still. The last post seem to have been made ages ago.

Hopefully, reading this post will help the reader catch up with all that's been going on.

June was mostly about my brother's wedding and missing my husband terribly. July was okay, I got to be with my husband on most of it's days, the rest were spent missing him badly. Then came Ramadan-August. I could achieve two things, only two things this Ramadan or two goals that I could, Alhamdulillah, fulfill. May Allah accept it from me insha Allah. It was the fastest Ramadan yet. I spent most of the day hours in sleep and idleness. At night I tried to be a little less unproductive. And again there were days and nights that I missed my husband like crazy. One night I cried to Allah, in my sujood, "Let me be with him, Allah!" I cried and subhana Allah he was with me the next day. And there were a few treasured days when I could be with him, when I didn't have to cry my selves to sleep. Eid too passed by quickly. Thought it would be my gloomiest one when my husband said that he couldn't come to see me. But Alhamdulillah he could. Allah Shubhanata'la heard me and again I wept out of His Compassion for me. My first Eid with him.
And now it's September. The month of my due date. Here I am anxiously awaiting my baby, insha Allah. Not an hour passes by without me thinking "My water could break right now" or "I might deliver today". And not a minute passes by in which I don't sigh wishing my husband were here, wishing I could be with him. It's 12 days from today untill my due date, insha Allah, but I might have to wait longer still, only Allah knows, I just hope my husband and my Umma will be by side at the time. Insha Allah.

I thought that when I got married that missing my mom was the hardest thing but now, missing my husband is. I have changed. Here I am in the comforts of my home. My sweet mom. Dad. Brothers, Sister-in-law. Great food. Awesome room. No responsibilities at all. And a Lot of care. I am happy, most times. But I do not feel whole. My mind is not at ease. Because I keep yearning for my husband's company, for his love. I long to lie on his chest and kiss him. Sometimes it's just SO hard. I cry like Real bad. I can't control it. And sometimes it's okay, I can be patient like he asked me to be.

But you know, I shouldn't be so gloomy. Why can't I make the most of my time with my family? I doubt if I'll get to be with all of them for so long after I go to my husband after delivery. I'll miss them so much then, especially my mother. So I should be happy now, having fun with them. But I can't seem to. It's always about the other side being greener for humans.

I love him so much. Maybe this distance have done us some good. Surely my love for him is so much greater and deeper now. Alhamdulillah.

Now that the baby occupies most of my belly, she can't move around as much as before. I used to enjoy the wild movements that the baby made inside of me. It made me happy. But now all I get is little nudges. I miss the kicks. Doc said the intensity of foetal movements does reduce towards the end. My husband and I think that our baby is a little naughty, not coming and having us all wait with bated breath when she's fully grown. Lol.

How long untill I can have some time with my husband? How long untill my baby arrives?

Insha Allah. I ache for both.

So that's pretty much all about my unblogging months.