It is nothing short of a stab right through your heart when someone you love says something hurtful about you Parents. Be it even a word. Or maybe even the tone of what is said. Ouch. Still hurts.
My umma. Nobody could ever fully comprehend the relationship I have with her or with my dearest Uppa. Hurts me even more that I'm so far away from them. What if I am to never see them again? I will keep hurting till I can see my umma, smile at her and kiss her holding her tight.
Allah grant for my parents your Jannah and grant them long happy lives. Ameen.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
I AM FAT
Yes I'm fat. But I wish some people would refrain from reminding me every single day of my life. I have a mirror. I see myselves everyday. It's not like I'm unaware of it nor do I like it. So why keep stabbing me with painful reminders when I'm already hurting?
Being fat is so difficult. Especially when you're the kind who doesn't eat too much but still are fat and you can't really help it. It makes you miss out on some of the most beautiful things in your life; like being asked to eat by your husband and being asked to take care of your health. It also makes you feel ugly no matter how you dress up.
I am fat. But I am not a food-attacking idleness-loving monster. I work. I eat little. It's not really my fault that I don't lose weight.
Just relieving a very disturbed mind.
Being fat is so difficult. Especially when you're the kind who doesn't eat too much but still are fat and you can't really help it. It makes you miss out on some of the most beautiful things in your life; like being asked to eat by your husband and being asked to take care of your health. It also makes you feel ugly no matter how you dress up.
I am fat. But I am not a food-attacking idleness-loving monster. I work. I eat little. It's not really my fault that I don't lose weight.
Just relieving a very disturbed mind.
Monday, December 12, 2011
Some observations
I've neglected you yet again blog. If you were a book that I wrote in you would be so very dusty right now, good thing you aren't.
So much has happened since last post. Not happened like ' a war broke out in my country' but happened like 'I flew to Malaysia with my baby' accompanied by my husband, mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
Sooo good to be back here with my husband, alhamdulillah. I had missed this place so much. I missed my simple life here. I missed the fun I had with my husband. But things are not like before now.
Khadeeja. She's so beautiful masha Allah. There is nothing like her smile. There is nothing like kissing her and making her laugh. I love her so. Alhamdulillah for her. I feel so motherly. It hurts me so much when she cries. Even more when she's crying and I can't comfort her because somebody else is carrying her. Makes me so frustrated to stand there without doing anything and watch her cry.
Some other things remain as same as ever. Was foolish of me to expect any changes there.
And here I am apreciating the way I was raised again. I'm in awe for my parents and the way they raised me. Alhamdulillah, masha Allah. May Allah grant them Jannah.
I respect my father so much. And my umma, for making me who I am right now, alhamdulillah. My umma, she is all about love and warmth. Everywhere around me are people so different. Their lifestyles are different. Their relationships are different. Their idea of love is different. To me, mine is the most meaningful.
If we love Allah Subhanata'ala, we obey him, if we love Rasulullah sallahi walaihi wasallam we follow his sunnah. And if we love the people, we show it, express it.
Some people are forever the same. They abide by their systems and lives the same old lives. Change is a necessity. A good muslim always strives to be better. People has got to change. They need to live their role in life, when their role changes they have to change too. Its not so hard. With good intentions and with the firm thought of 'For Allah' anybody could change. Wives don't have to be nagging simply because the typical wife is supposed to, fathers don't have to be ignorant concerning his child and men don't have to be unconcerned about every little work done in his house. I agree that women are to be indoors mostly and men are ofcourse more outdoorsy, that's the way we were created ofcourse. But I do not agree that kitchen is a no place for a man or that cleaning is not his thing. Is it pride that makes some men that way? Is it shameful to offer a hand with the dishes? I don't think so. Rather it is noble. Noble like the Prophet sallahi walahi wasallam.
I pity those men out there who knows pretty close to nothing about a house wife and the responsibilities she undertakes in her everyday life. Life could be so much more different, meaningful and fulfilling if they had the heart to help around just a tad bit. Doing stuff together can be so much fun, rewarding, be it even taking out the trash. It brings you closer, makes you happier. It makes you kind, gentle and merciful. And you know what Allah does when He loves a household? He spreads kindness among them. So when you show kindness to the memebers of your home, it just means Allah loves your household! How beautiful. If only people could grasp that.
But ah to me; life is good Alhamdulillah. I could make it better by changing my selves which I really really have to; but I get tired of changing people especially when they are so unwilling. So I'll live insha Allah. All the hardships I ever went through has alhamdulillah only benefitted me. Made me stronger and more independent and dignified. So I embrace this hardship. And I wait for ease. Because certainly says Allah subahanata'ala "With hardship comes ease". And I put my trust in Allah.
So much has happened since last post. Not happened like ' a war broke out in my country' but happened like 'I flew to Malaysia with my baby' accompanied by my husband, mother-in-law and sister-in-law.
Sooo good to be back here with my husband, alhamdulillah. I had missed this place so much. I missed my simple life here. I missed the fun I had with my husband. But things are not like before now.
Khadeeja. She's so beautiful masha Allah. There is nothing like her smile. There is nothing like kissing her and making her laugh. I love her so. Alhamdulillah for her. I feel so motherly. It hurts me so much when she cries. Even more when she's crying and I can't comfort her because somebody else is carrying her. Makes me so frustrated to stand there without doing anything and watch her cry.
Some other things remain as same as ever. Was foolish of me to expect any changes there.
And here I am apreciating the way I was raised again. I'm in awe for my parents and the way they raised me. Alhamdulillah, masha Allah. May Allah grant them Jannah.
I respect my father so much. And my umma, for making me who I am right now, alhamdulillah. My umma, she is all about love and warmth. Everywhere around me are people so different. Their lifestyles are different. Their relationships are different. Their idea of love is different. To me, mine is the most meaningful.
If we love Allah Subhanata'ala, we obey him, if we love Rasulullah sallahi walaihi wasallam we follow his sunnah. And if we love the people, we show it, express it.
Some people are forever the same. They abide by their systems and lives the same old lives. Change is a necessity. A good muslim always strives to be better. People has got to change. They need to live their role in life, when their role changes they have to change too. Its not so hard. With good intentions and with the firm thought of 'For Allah' anybody could change. Wives don't have to be nagging simply because the typical wife is supposed to, fathers don't have to be ignorant concerning his child and men don't have to be unconcerned about every little work done in his house. I agree that women are to be indoors mostly and men are ofcourse more outdoorsy, that's the way we were created ofcourse. But I do not agree that kitchen is a no place for a man or that cleaning is not his thing. Is it pride that makes some men that way? Is it shameful to offer a hand with the dishes? I don't think so. Rather it is noble. Noble like the Prophet sallahi walahi wasallam.
I pity those men out there who knows pretty close to nothing about a house wife and the responsibilities she undertakes in her everyday life. Life could be so much more different, meaningful and fulfilling if they had the heart to help around just a tad bit. Doing stuff together can be so much fun, rewarding, be it even taking out the trash. It brings you closer, makes you happier. It makes you kind, gentle and merciful. And you know what Allah does when He loves a household? He spreads kindness among them. So when you show kindness to the memebers of your home, it just means Allah loves your household! How beautiful. If only people could grasp that.
But ah to me; life is good Alhamdulillah. I could make it better by changing my selves which I really really have to; but I get tired of changing people especially when they are so unwilling. So I'll live insha Allah. All the hardships I ever went through has alhamdulillah only benefitted me. Made me stronger and more independent and dignified. So I embrace this hardship. And I wait for ease. Because certainly says Allah subahanata'ala "With hardship comes ease". And I put my trust in Allah.
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