Is it necessary that I like death to have to accept it? Or old age? Or a calamity? Liking and accepting are two different things. I do not like old age. But i will accept it as the decree of Allah. I will believe that it is for the best and that Allah is the most Wise. But do I have to like it really? Is it necessery to like it? I dont believe so. Because things like that are hard to like. Nobody likes earthquakes or tsunami or sicknesses. But people accept it as the will of Allah. so to those people who say that I do have to like it. Talk to my hand. Better yet. Shut up.
These whispers of Satan. Annoying me greatly. making me lose my temper. making me miserable. making me want to go home. Satan is not really planting thoughts in my head, but he is playing with those that are already in my head, the worries, the doubts.
Things are not incredible, simply putting it. But Alhamdulillah i will get past it insha allah. Going to try to be like the earth; everything foul is thrown upon it but only that which is beautiful grows from it.
Someday something changed. I cannot seem to get things back to the way they were. nor do i want to because things does not deserve to be the same as ever. everything changes. people. feelings for them. the heart is forever turning and needs constant purification. As for my heart, it's like how i put it in my poem. It will be ok insha Allah and it will love but it will not be the same and it cannot love the same because it has sustained so many stabs and bruises or rather its been ignored and neglected far too mnay times, times when it most craved for company and care. Heres my poem coming to back to me again:
"Love, I will, always;
For I'm only human.
And hurt as deep as I might be,
My memories fade away
And new ones take their place.
But of my wounded heart
I cannot say the same,
For I know its incapable of healing
Such unexpected stabs it has sustained.
And so, my love for thee,
Though shall remain forever
Shall never be the same."
I guess this sort of marks the end of honey moon phase. Sarcasm. Anger. Apologies. Arguments. Cries. Regrets. Blames. Definite lack in patience, forgiveness, overlooking and mercy. Yup. It sure does.
Help me Allah. You are the most Merciful.
