Expectancy, my brother advised me about it yesterday. Do not expect anything from anybody, he said, not even a thankyou. Whatever you do, expect reward from Allah alone. It is quite a hard thing to achieve, to not expect anything from someone. Easier said than done. But this piece of advice is so invaluable. When you expect nothing and you get little things it would make you immensely happy and if you get nothing, you're not sad cause you didn't expect it anyway. I gotta learn to be that way. Insha Allah. Expectancy-one is better off without it.
Allah will reward you, insha Allah. That's all that matters. He misses nothing, and sees everything. The All-seer, The All-knowing. Not even the tiniest act of goodness or tiniest effort made from your part goes unnoticed by Allah "then whoever does an atom's weight of good shall see it, and whoever does an atom's weight of evil shall see it" insha Allah. Why care for the rewards of Dunya when you can get Allah Subhanta'la's. May Allah help me remember this always. Ameen.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Family time
Didn't I tell you that having my brother and family at home would make me more cheerful? Well, they are here! And I am. Alhamdulillah. It's wonderful to have a baby in the house. Those innocent eyes. Little feet and fingers and tender skin that radiates innocence and purity and beauty. Allahuakbar. It is amazing. Allah subhanata'ala's creation. Besides family time always best time. Masha Allah. This brother, unlike my second brother, he isn't occupied with teasing, nagging, bossing over and provoking me all day. There are lots of advices though, some of which are infuriating. He's the big brother in all sense. They both have their own special ways of making me cry and loving me.
Just so you know, I love them both the same way, equally. I thank Allah for my brothers and my love for them. May Allah make it grow many times more. Ameen.
I wanna hear their voice! Now. Why Slave of the All-knowing. Have you forgotten me?
Just so you know, I love them both the same way, equally. I thank Allah for my brothers and my love for them. May Allah make it grow many times more. Ameen.
I wanna hear their voice! Now. Why Slave of the All-knowing. Have you forgotten me?
Like clothing
I feel so distant with them. I don't like that. I used to think not hearing from them is the worst feeling, but it isn't surprisingly. It doesn't bother me one bit now. I'm hardly aware of it. Alhamdulillah Shukr for that! But not knowing what they are up to, how they have been, that I don't like. It is not a very bothering feeling, it's kind of uncomfortable and especially when I have to hear it through others, that doesn't make sense, that makes me feel so distant, like I'm not close enough to them and I am the person who is supposed to be the closest to them. Like clothing. Insha Allah.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Strange
Strange, I hardly thought of them yesterday.
Had some major cleaning to do, gave away half my stuffs, it didn't seem very nice to still keep my sticker collection and ludo and a zillion other stuff when I'm getting married in less than a month, insha Allah. But I still saved my yoyo and cards and marbles. So I'm a bit childish. So what?! They had said that I reminded them of Ayisha Radi Allahu Anhu when I told them about my dolls.
Haven't heard their voice in like real long. Must prompt my mother. Insha Allah.
Had some major cleaning to do, gave away half my stuffs, it didn't seem very nice to still keep my sticker collection and ludo and a zillion other stuff when I'm getting married in less than a month, insha Allah. But I still saved my yoyo and cards and marbles. So I'm a bit childish. So what?! They had said that I reminded them of Ayisha Radi Allahu Anhu when I told them about my dolls.
Haven't heard their voice in like real long. Must prompt my mother. Insha Allah.
Monday, November 1, 2010
Setting record
I can hardly believe this. Alhamdulillah, I'm cheerful; happy. I'm barely aware of the silence from their part. How could that be? It used to be a prolonged perpetual ache, my need for them. So how is it possible that I'm not aching now? Maybe because I have put my trust in Allah. Maybe Allah Subhanata'ala is so pleased with their decision that He is making this easy for the both of us. Thankyou Allah. I wonder how it is for them. I wonder if they have the urge to connect with me at all. I wonder if they think about me. As for me, I have no urge to connect with them because it simply isn't happening! I can't disobey them, more importantly I can't break a deliberate oath made to Allah.
But I do miss them. Everytime I think of them, I miss them. And I think of them a lot. And when they speak of them, I miss them more. And I can't take comfort in reading the words they gave me before, because that makes me miss them the baddest.
I can't still possibly be in the same daze. No. This is very real. We could set a huge record! No two people in love would stay unconnected like us when they have a zillion ways to connect right under their nose!
Or even maybe, I'm cheerful today because I spend the day with friends. Friends who were thrilled to see me after SO long! Friends who told me how much they missed me and how much they will miss me. Friends who are super excited about my wedding Insha Allah. Friends who told me I've become pretty and have lost weight. So it's no wonder I'm cheerful today! Not to mention very flattering remarks from my French teacher and class tutor.
So then maybe, this is just like the cycle previously mentioned, if that's case, maybe those achy weepy days are not far away.
But still maybe, they won't come, because this time is different in so many ways and plus insha Allah my brother, wife and our little princess are coming home! So that means insha Allah, our home would liven up with baby cries and nappy stink and my brother's advices and Hadith narration and my sister-in-law's sweet ways- more cheerfulness, insha Allah.
And to think my Slave of the All-knowing is all alone in there. Makes me wanna be with them SO bad! I miss you. I love you.
How jealous it makes me, that so many others can speak to them while I can't! And they can speak to so many others while they can't to me! It's a really annoying thing. Really annoying. Makes me incredibly jealous. I can't wait to have a right over them, insha Allah.
But I do miss them. Everytime I think of them, I miss them. And I think of them a lot. And when they speak of them, I miss them more. And I can't take comfort in reading the words they gave me before, because that makes me miss them the baddest.
I can't still possibly be in the same daze. No. This is very real. We could set a huge record! No two people in love would stay unconnected like us when they have a zillion ways to connect right under their nose!
Or even maybe, I'm cheerful today because I spend the day with friends. Friends who were thrilled to see me after SO long! Friends who told me how much they missed me and how much they will miss me. Friends who are super excited about my wedding Insha Allah. Friends who told me I've become pretty and have lost weight. So it's no wonder I'm cheerful today! Not to mention very flattering remarks from my French teacher and class tutor.
So then maybe, this is just like the cycle previously mentioned, if that's case, maybe those achy weepy days are not far away.
But still maybe, they won't come, because this time is different in so many ways and plus insha Allah my brother, wife and our little princess are coming home! So that means insha Allah, our home would liven up with baby cries and nappy stink and my brother's advices and Hadith narration and my sister-in-law's sweet ways- more cheerfulness, insha Allah.
And to think my Slave of the All-knowing is all alone in there. Makes me wanna be with them SO bad! I miss you. I love you.
How jealous it makes me, that so many others can speak to them while I can't! And they can speak to so many others while they can't to me! It's a really annoying thing. Really annoying. Makes me incredibly jealous. I can't wait to have a right over them, insha Allah.
Foolish questions
They ask, wouldn't it be hard that you don't know him? To start living with a stranger?
How foolish is that? So what about the Prophet Sallahu Walaihi Wasallam's time? Did the women have any idea of the men they were gonna be married to? Or did the men have any idea of the women they will be married to? Or maybe they have an idea, let's say they have a clear picture, but even then, you learn about your spouse only when you start living with them and that's applicable even in love marriage. The practice of interacting with your fiancé has become so common, that it has sort of become a rule, like compulsory. The immediate question is "why not?". Nobody ever realizes that the answer "because God told so" is as obvious as anything.
It wouldn't have mattered one bit to me if I were kept from getting to know my fiancé, but if I were in the middle of getting to know him and even let my selves get attached to him then things are different.
And I do know him-them.
How foolish is that? So what about the Prophet Sallahu Walaihi Wasallam's time? Did the women have any idea of the men they were gonna be married to? Or did the men have any idea of the women they will be married to? Or maybe they have an idea, let's say they have a clear picture, but even then, you learn about your spouse only when you start living with them and that's applicable even in love marriage. The practice of interacting with your fiancé has become so common, that it has sort of become a rule, like compulsory. The immediate question is "why not?". Nobody ever realizes that the answer "because God told so" is as obvious as anything.
It wouldn't have mattered one bit to me if I were kept from getting to know my fiancé, but if I were in the middle of getting to know him and even let my selves get attached to him then things are different.
And I do know him-them.
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