Introduction

Bismillahi Rahamani Raheem. (Beginning in the name of Allah, the most merciful, the most compassionate)

Asslamualaikum.

I have always wanted to create a blog. My idea of a blog was somewhere I could write all I wanted, everything I felt, every emotion, every thought that occupies or runs through my head, more like a diary, but unlike things written in a diary, i would like people to read this, to know me, to hear me out, the thought that somewhere some person might be randomly reading my blog pleases me, whether it entertains them, benefits them or even if they think its the most silliest and crappiest thing they've read-it would still please me.

You don't need to know who i am, perhaps you'll figure out anyway, but i'm not revealing my identity. A little mystery to me.

At the moment, I feel so broken. shattered. void. empty. It's like i'm falling from a tower, and the thought "For Allah" is the rope that I'm clinging to, thats the thought that keeps me going. The pain, the emptiness, or rather the repetition of the incident is so unbearable that it makes me want to run, run with all the strength in me, barefooted, through a dark deserted place and feel the wind against me, let the wind go through my lungs, make me pant hard and cause me to forget this during those minutes that i take to catch my breath. Run. I want to run away from this. But I can't. My conscience tells me that is only for good, that this is the right thing, this is what Allah has decreed and it is nothing but a blessing. I believe my conscience. But does that change anything? That belief certainly is not helping me hold my selves together while I'm in pieces. But it gives me hope; that this feeling will pass, that I will be better, happy even, because I put my trust in ALLAH.