Allah knows.

Guilt. Lots of it. I know that this is no good. I know this is very wrong. Then why do I keep doing it?

The Prophet Sallahi Walaihi Wassallam said "when Hayaa is a part of anything it becomes beautiful and when lewdness is a part of anything it becomes defective"- the Hadith that keeps running through my head and it scares me and worries me.

May Allah Subhana ta'la forgive us. Ameen.

So I decided to do something, insha Allah, the following morning. May Allah give me and them the strength to do what is right. Ameen. It's not easy. Not one bit. In fact, sometimes it's so hard that it even makes me cry. And you reader, know it better than any person. But like I said, I am willing to embrace that hardship because what is important to me is the ease that will follow. Because Allah said in the Quran "Indeed with hardship comes ease". Insha Allah. "And put your trust in Allah if you're believers indeed" insha Allah.

So I thought, the harder it is, the better it will be. Insha Allah. Think about it this way, a person who has an inclination to listen to music but doesn't out of his fear for Allah would insha Allah attain more of Allah's pleasure than a one who doesn't like nor listen to music. Right? So harder the temptation is and harder we try to resist, the better it will be for us in here and Ahkir Insha Allah. Because Allah knows. He is Al-Aleem.

And another Hadith, it said, that one of the reasons why so many women will go to Jahannam is that some of them are very capable of leading even wise men astray.

It is true. And that is another Hadith that overwhelms me with guilt and fear of sinning.

May Allah forgive me. Ameen.