When they said they couldn't say no to me, it should have actually made me happy but it only made me sad and guilty. This person who says no to music, who says no to TV, who abstains from pretty much all kinds of sins couldn't abstain from the sin of speaking with me. How hurting a fact! But it is not a fact. They are well capable of saying no to me. But do you know what that makes me feel like? Like I'm that Fitnah which they can't keep away from, that makes me the highest or the baddest of all these Fitnahs!! How bad is that?! Being a woman, I'm like the influencer, they are the influencee, it's on me. I initiate the sin. Fitnathun-nissa. That's me.
So come to think of it, what they said today is right. It's my fault.
It angered me a bit though, when they put it like that; I shouldn't have spoken to them that way, wasn't nice of me, maybe they were angered by it too? Asthafirullah. I wish I could ask them forgiveness.
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