Alhamdulillah. I believe I have now reached Phase 3, which in other words means back to normal. I'm my usual selves. Happy. I can breathe, talk, smile and laugh my hearty laugh. I look back into the days when I felt broken and I think what on earth was the matter with me?! Silly me.
Except for the mornings. When I wake up, I somehow miss them like crazy and then as the day starts it gets better.
I'm starting to think maybe my love for Allah is weak. If it was strong then I wouldn't have been like how I was, if my heart was filled with my love and fear of Allah then perhaps no other love would matter to me. Maybe that's what I need. An Iman and Taqwa boost. Insha Allah, I gotta work on it. Because I can't let that happen again, I can't afford to be shattered again. But maybe its just me and how I am. I remember having similar feelings about 2 years back when my mom and dad went to abudhabi and I was home with my brother, I remember being broken then, because I missed mom so bad and I needed her, her presence in the house. I remember using words like 'lifeless' 'soulless' in my journal entries of the time, the drama queen that I am. But I'm sure I must have felt that way back then, I did.
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